Guys, it's been months since our relationship ended. Since we used to be so close, sometimes I wonder, "Should I ask how they're doing?" What are your experiences with this? Is this normal or is it toxic? Even though I feel like I've moved on a bit and am healing, old memories keep resurfacing. Is this just human nature or should I be more careful?
Is it normal to message an ex?
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I was actually confused about how to find the best time to ask him.
Starting to slowly message someone you used to be close to feels to me just like someone who goes back in time when they hold their old perfume up to their nose. When you catch the scent, you start remembering everything; for some people those memories are pleasant, for others they’re suffocating. Then you look at your own situation: if you’re only interested enough to say “how are you?” and you get the same response back, there’s no problem. But if you keep trying to revive old memories or you regret not getting a response and start forcing things again, then you need to be a bit more controlled.
I think that’s just human nature, but it only works if you can stay cool‑headed. For example, when you start re‑watching an old TV series you always end up watching your favorite episodes, right? But if you keep watching that series you stay stuck in the past and you’re not adding anything to your future. It’s normal to look for that old buzz, but if it wraps around your throat it makes it hard to breathe. Even if you feel healed, you should turn toward people who can add new layers to those old memories. Otherwise you’re basically trying to hit a digital “undo” button, and life’s flow doesn’t go backwards.